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A post inspired by a misreading of a random blog post idea generator

So I was playing around with a blog post idea generator and misread the suggested topic as: “The best chainsaw gas stations.” Which confused me for a moment, because how is a chainsaw gas station different from your regular gas station? Then I went back and reread, and was a bit disappointed, because you have to admit, chainsaw gas stations would be so much more awesome than chain gas stations. Are they gas station that sell chainsaws, or gas stations made out of chainsaws? Either way, it’s a win.

And I know that every other month or so, I bring up or at least allude to the zombie apocalypse, and I know zombies are supposed to be about dead by now (ha ha ha, and aside from the perennial popularity of The Walking Dead) so I really need to let the topic go, but come on. Just think how valuable chainsaw gas stations would be in the event of the zombie apocalypse. You’re fueling up your car so you can easily escape and/or mow down the undead, and at the same time you’re picking up your chainsaw to use during melee combat. Or several chainsaws! Two for every member of your band of plucky survivors! And if you’ve got gas cans, you can collect more fuel for your chainsaws and a reserve for your vehicle! How is this not a good idea?

I must admit, however, that while as far as I know, there are no gas stations made out of chainsaws, there may be gas stations that sell them. This is where the modern lifestyle of instant gratification fails me, because I always use pay-at-the-pump gas stations, and indeed usually frequent the gas station associated with my local grocery store. I know there’s not enough room in those little cubbies for the gas attendants to sell chainsaws in addition to candy and cigarettes, even if I didn’t just avoid human interaction by swiping my credit card at the pump.* So because I fail to go regularly enter gas station, I have no idea whether they might sell chainsaws. Yet a couple of times a year, I enter gas stations to use the facilities during road trips, and these forays indicate that chainsaws are sadly omitted. The best to be had might be some cheapo pocket knife, which would be a far less effective weapon against zombies than a chainsaw.

Someone needs to get on this, people! Chainsaw grocery stores across America! The fate of our country could depend upon it.

* The grocery store itself does not sell chainsaws.

Special footnote: At first writing, I was in the wrong window. I almost graced my site with an entire page devoted to chainsaw grocery stores. I’m still not sure I did the right thing by switching to a regular post.
Also: I think this is a better post than what the generator told me to write about. Eat it, random blog post generator!

 

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