“Oh, look at this. Can you believe this baker? What a lazy way to show patriotism.”

“Um, it’s a loaf of bread. I’m not sure it’s claiming to be a show of patriotism.”

“Of course it is. Calling it ‘Red White and Blue Bread’ and presenting it near July 4 as if it’s some great of United States citizenship. It’s a horrid display of ethnocentrism.”

“Well, it is coming up on the Fourth, and you know, it is the colors of the American flag and all.”

“As well as the colors of a bunch of other countries! Why not bake it in the UK and display it on the Queen’s birthday or anniversary or something? Or maybe even Guy Fawkes Day?”

“Er–”

“There’s France, too. I mean, look at France’s flag. You really can’t get any more red, white, and blue than that. Turn the bread into a baguette and it’d fit with France really well.” (pause) “Baguettes being the quintessential French bread, naturally. Second only to French bread itself.”

“I’m not entirely sure that ‘French bread’ is really French–”

“Anyway, bake up your Red White and Blue Baguette around–um, Bastille Day, and there you are. Patriotic bread for France!

“Then there’s Taiwan. I’m not sure how one would go about making this so-called patriotic bread more suitable for Taiwan, but they have got to have a national holiday, too. Same with Liberia. Norway. Panama. And a whole bunch of other countries! To claim that this Red White and Blue Bread is celebrating the American–United Statesian, more accurately–spirit by virtue of the color of its ingredients and timing of backing is sad. What are our bakers coming to? They could’ve at least attempted the United States flag.”

“Unless the baker isn’t that talented. I mean, getting the lines straight for a flag–not easy, man. Just look at this. ”

“Um. True.” (looking askance at the bread) “Maybe we can say it’s a bread meant to unify varying countries that just happened to be baked around the United States’ Independence Day.”

“Sure. Yeah. Whatever.”