Amanda Helms

Category: Uncategorized

  • Snickersnee hee hee

    I subscribe to dictionary.com’s word of the day, and awhile back the word of the day was snickersnee, which is a large knife. Most words I read there sound at least vaguely familiar, but snickersnee? Nope, not a flicker of recollection. From the age of 12, I would say the majority of my vocabulary acquisition…

  • A fictionalized conversation between me and Amazon’s advertising algorithm

    Amazon Advertising Algorithm: Hi! Me: … AAA: Hi! Amanda, Hi! Hi, hi, HI, Amanda! Me: Are you bothering me for anything related to hospital layouts? You know, the thing I’m researching right now? For the book I’m working on? AAA: Um. Maybe? Me: … AAA: C’mon, this’ll only take a minute. Three, tops. Me: [sighs]…

  • Being a Decent Human on the Internet: A Primer

    Hello, human! Clearly you are on the Internet, since you moseyed your way over to this blog post. Perhaps you are wondering how to human decently on the Internet. Following is a primer to help you, human, act like one while Internetting. Basic Tips To be a decent human on the Internet, there are a few key things…

  • A semi-fictional conversation with my dog*

    (*Because it sounds slightly better than “conversation with myself,” whether semi-fictional or all fictional or with no adjective whatsoever. Also, hiiii! Let’s pretend I haven’t been absent for like three months, m’kay?) Me: Why do we talk about “media consumption”? Cassia: [head tilt] Me: Think about it. Media consumption, like we’re eating it. Cassia: [maintains head tilt] Me: But the food-consumption comparison doesn’t…

  • Leaving on a jet plane

    But I do know when I’ll be back again. October 18. In any case, by the time this post goes live, I will have gotten up at an ungodly hour (ungodly even for me, ridiculer of people who consider merely 6:00am early), boarded a shuttle, and will be on my way to Denver International Airport to attend my…

  • Keep stretching toward the light

    I’d been working on a response to the Hachette-Amazon thing, but that doesn’t seem appropriate now. So I will say: If you’re struggling with depression, talk to someone. Go to an animal shelter and hug puppies and kittens. Talk to someone. Sit in the sunshine. Talk to someone. Read a  favorite book or watch a…

  • I’m not dead

    But I am headachy from exposure to the brightly burning orb in the sky. Go find some pictures of cats or dogs with which to entertain yourself. I will get you started. Cats that forgot how to cat Dogs that forgot how to dog

  • Creative State

    It’s been awhile since I’ve provided any sort of writing update, and I find myself with a dearth of post ideas. So: I’m 98k-ish into my current project (though I already know at least 10k of that will be scrapped). I’m calling it YA comic fantasy, and it is a 3rd revision of an idea I…

  • Allergies have rendered my brain into a ball of yarn being pounded by flaming hammers.

    So in lieu of a real post, enjoy this picture taken during a trip to Seattle in 2011. Enjoy it, I say!

  • An open letter to the birds who start chirping outside my bedroom window at 3:45 in the morning

    Dear Birds Who Start Chirping Outside My Bedroom Window at 3:45 in the Morning: I hate you. With the rage of a thousand fiery suns, Amanda